Tag Archive | grieving

Never Say These 2 Things to a Grieving Mom


A few months after my son Bobby died, I had lunch with a few friends. I still wasn’t up to socializing, but I agreed to go anyway. One of the women said something that made me want to jump across the table and grab her by the throat. I know she meant her words as comfort, but at that time it was like rubbing salt in an already gaping wound. It’s now been five years and I can remember my visceral reaction that day.

Here are two things NEVER to say to a grieving mother:

He/she is in a better place. No he’s not! He should be here with his family. With me. How could any place be better?

If you just do X, you’ll find closure. Really? What does closure mean, exactly? Do you think one simple act will help relieve the unrelenting aching of my empty arms?

As any mom will tell you, after 5 years, 10 years, or even longer, there is no such thing as closure. Writing my book, BECAUSE OF GRACE, didn’t bring closure. Putting a brass plaque with Bobby’s name on the Children’s Memorial Tree in South Lake Tahoe didn’t bring me closure. Closure is like trying to grab smoke.

Has anyone ever said anything to you like this? How did you respond?




Because of Grace available on Amazon:



6.5 things to remember when you’re grieving


Grief will pull you down like an alligator dragging its prey underwater. Here are some things to remember when your grief is as fresh as a new wound:

1. Everyone grieves differently. There is no right way. Give yourself the room to cry, scream, or even laugh.

2. Write a letter to your friends and family, explaining what you’re going through. Ask for their support and understanding. For an example of I letter I sent, let me know and I’ll email it to you.

3. Take a break from grief. When your sorrow is new, it’s overwhelming in its intensity. Give yourself permission to not grieve for a few hours.

4. Rely on your friends and family. Tell them what you need, whether it’s a meal or two, someone to clean your house, or just a shoulder to cry on.

5. Get enough sleep. Your brain feels fuzzy enough. Don’t add sleepiness to the mix.

6. Focus on what you’re doing – be in the moment. It’s easy to be so overwhelmed that you can’t concentrate.

6.5 Remember, you will get through this.