I need a sign!

Why can’t we wear grief like a cast or a bandage? It would give a clear indication to others that we are still not healed. Or like a jagged cut on the cheek with thick black stitches, peopl would see it and say, “Wow! That must hurt!” or “Still painful, huh?” Wouldn’t that be easier for us to explain why we’re sad, depressed, angry, grouchy, tearful, touchy? Others would see us and just KNOW.
Maybe someone can invent a series of signs for us to wear. Read means: NO! Don’t approach! Don’t ask me how I’m doing or I’ll be forced to lie and say, “Fine.”
Yellow means approach with caution. I’m barely making it today, so a pat on the shoulder and a heartfelt “There, there,” would help.
Green means: Today I’m okay. I’m functioning and I may actually tell a joke. But if a hear THAT SONG on the radio, all bets are off.

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3 thoughts on “I need a sign!

  1. I’ve been there also, Jane. While I was recovering from my brain injury, I had those questions of how are you doing? You look great. The problem was, these people who asked didn’t live with me 24/7 and see my struggles of trying to remember names or who was just in your bedroom. A well-meaning stranger asks how you are and you just utter the words, I’m doing fine. There would be times where I’d get off the phone with someone and not be able to tell you what the conversation was about. I had to go through many pieces of paper until my brain regenerated those brain connections/axons. It has been a hard 11 years 3 months but I understand about just wanting to answer, fine to how are you?

    • I know. Your physical recovery from the accident was quicker than the head trauma your had. I’m amazed that you’ve come as far as you have. I know it’s been a struggle. Thanks for posting.

  2. Hello, sweet friend. I know exactly how you feel. After I lost my Dad (one of my best friends on the planet), I found it very frustrating that after a certain amount of time (people who don’t know better expect our grief period to be a determined amount of time), people seemed DISAPPOINTED if I wasn’t cheery and bright. I also remember looking around at people who were happy and laughing as if they didn’t have a care in the world and want to shout, “How can you all be so dang HAPPY when I just lost my father!!!??” – this went on for months and months, sadly.

    If anything, my own experience taught me how to be sensitive to others going through the same thing – here’s a post I wrote a few weeks ago based on the quote: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle” – at the end of the post is a link to another blogger who wrote a beautiful post about needing a sign to wear to share what’s going on inside.

    http://brightfarm.com/WordPress/2010/11/21/everyone-you-meet-is-fighting-a-hard-battle/

    Love you, Miss Jane!

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