There is an intertwining when two become one. It is like two trees planted so close to one another that they eventually grow together, indistinguishable from their individuality. robertandali; heatherandcraig; mikeandjane. You can’t tell where one begins and the other ends. You lose yourself in another. This is not bad. But when one loses the other through death, one must re-discover who he or she is; alone. This is exquisitely painful. It’s like pulling apart two pieces of paper that have been glued together. There are holes and ripped places.

The loss of a child is a hole in your family; like pulling a peg from a child’s Tinker Toy; or losing a tooth that can’t be replaced. Your tongue always searches out that empty spot. But losing a spouse is like a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing. Thank God we are made to heal; that we do heal; and that eventually life becomes if not joyful, then at least tolerable. The challenge is to find joy, peace and comfort.

It has been seven months since Bobby’s death. I can look back at the “valley of the shadow of death” and say that I am nearing the end of the dark valley. There is light ahead.

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